The Lesson

I visited a friend in another city last week, and I went to church with her. Sacrament and Sunday School passed as usual, but Relief Society was a little different. The young woman teaching the lesson was very nervous. I could see she had prepared well because she had several papers on the stand. I have been a Relief Society teacher before and know that the lessons are very sparse and are created to encourage class discussion. But this teacher hardly looked up and gave little time for the class to answer any questions she might ask, which made participation very difficult. Consequently, she got through the lesson in about 15 minutes. I could see that her nervousness increased, and she began to panic, grasping at anything to fill the time. Many people could condemn this as a failed lesson, but I felt the spirit more in that lesson than the rest of the meetings that day. This girl was inexperienced, but she had put forth the effort to fulfill the calling she was given from God. Therefore, God lent his spirit to those who could look past the messiness of the presentation and see the pure testimony born. I know that the Lord calls people to positions in His church because He knows it is for the best (for them and the whole congregation). He doesn't call us because we are experts at what He has called us to do. He wants us to improve. If we do our best, He will be with us and the spirit will make up for all we lack. He is the real teacher and will provide the way to manifest His spirit through those He calls

You Matter to Him

President Uchtdorf "You Matter to HIm"

Wow. Another amazing talk from President Uchtdorf. Brilliant man. Beautiful speaker. I know that he is a true witness of God. I testify that all the apostles and President Monson are men of God and that they speak with Him to know what He would have them say to us. If we study their words, our lives will become more full and joyful.

I will prepare the way before you

1 Nephi 17:13

And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led.

We don't have to worry about whether we're good enough or not. God has already prepared the way for us to do what He wants us to do. If we just listen to the promptings of the Spirit, we will be able to accomplish things that we never could accomplish on our own. 

Forget Me Not

Forget Me Not by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Wow! This talk was amazing. President Uchtdorf is truly a man of God. I am so grateful to have have prophets today who know what the Lord would have us hear. What a blessed people we are to live in a day where we can so easily access the word of God.

The Power of Scripture

http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-power-of-scripture?lang=eng

In Elder Scott's conference address this month, called "The Power of Scripture," he said, "Great power can come from memorizing scriptures. To memorize a scripture is to forge a new friendship. It is like discovering a new individual who can help in time of need, give inspiration and comfort, and be a source of motivation for needed change." 


Because of this talk, I have decided to start memorizing 2 scriptures every week. This week was the first week. It's amazing how much fun memorizing scriptures can be and how much it can help me feel the spirit of the Lord.


My first scripture:


John 16: 12-13


I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now. Howbeit, when he, the spirit of truth, is come, he will lead you into all righteousness: for he shall not speak of himself, but whatsoever, he shall hear, that shall he speak. And he will shew you things to come.


Second:


"Some of you may be shy by nature or consider yourselves inadequate to respond affirmatively to the call to serve. Remember this is the Lord's work, and when we are on the Lord's errand, we are entitled to the Lord's help. The Lord shapes the back to bear the burden placed upon it."
--President Monson

I Am Grateful For:

• My mom
• Scriptures
• Siblings, yes, even my brothers
• Friends coming to visit or calling me
• Dinner with Braden
• Flowers, especially the ones on campus
• My talents
• Prayer
• The IT service desk. I NEED help
• My Savior
• Living prophets (General Conference in 7 days!)
• The Holy Ghost
• Poetry. Yes, I am a nerd
• Harry Potter--for when the heavy literature becomes too much
• The restored gospel

Thank You

Today I realized how ungrateful I am.

I listened to a man speak about parents. They were from Germany and lived during WWII. He spoke of all the trials they went through. The father was saved several times after he abandoned the German army and journeyed in secrecy back to meet his wife and children. One time, the man was caught by the Russians. With a gun at his head, the man knew he wasn't going to survive, but a Russian woman spoke out. On her request, his death was postponed to allow him to dig his own grave. While he was digging, he prayed to Heavenly Father asking that his life be spared that he might dedicate his life to the gospel, restore all that he had done wrong in his life, and return to his family and take care of them. Then, a group of prisoners were traveling by. A woman pushed the man into the crowd of prisoners, and his life was spared. He eventually escaped by miraculous  means and was reunited with his family. This is just one story of how the Lord blessed this family. His eye watched them all the way through, and I know He watches over me in my life. I'm grateful that I don't have to face these trying experiences.

After the speech of this man, I came to a horrible realization that I had left my brand new computer in my previous class. I was petrified. I almost ran across campus, praying that I would be able to find it. I knew it wouldn't be in the classroom still because someone must have seen it and either taken it to some sort of lost and found or (Heaven forbid) taken it for themselves. I felt it was very unlikely that someone would steal my computer, but I knew that finding where a person would deposit a lost item would be very time consuming. I decided to start by looking in the classroom (just in case that by some miracle it was still there), and when I didn't see it, I would ask the professor where a lost and found or something like it would be. I raced to the building hoping class wouldn't start before I got there (I was not fond of the idea of walking in on a class to ask if anybody had seen a laptop). When I got there, class hadn't started, and I could see from the door that the turquoise case of my laptop was sitting quietly under the desk I had sat in. I knew that the Lord had blessed me to find my computer with little effort on my part. I think the Lord was trying to really instill upon me that He is in control, He is watching over me, and I need to acknowledge His hand in my life more.

I have never had a gun pointed at me. I have never wondered if I was going to have food to eat. I've never worried about my house being bombed. I've never had to wonder whether I would ever see my family again. I have the true and everlasting gospel of Jesus Christ. I have access to the word of God through scripture and living prophets. I grew up in a loving family. This week, I'm going to try to be more grateful and recognize the Lord's tender mercies in my life.

Ministering of Angels

If we follow the Lord, He will lead us to those who can nurture, heal, and help us. When we are really listening to His Spirit, we can find those people and grow as the Lord would have us. We are not meant to be lonesome beings. We are meant to lean on others and rely on them for help. The Lord answers prayers through those around us. He sends angels to us. The Lord has sent me several angels, and I know He has blessed me to be an angel for others. I am so grateful for the angels in my life.

God Hath Chosen the Weak

"But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:"

1  Corinthians 1:27 & 28

I am a weak and foolish being, but despite that, the Lord can work through me to bring about His purposes. The Lord chooses those who are weak to be His servants, and He makes them great.  

For She Loved Much

"And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster box of ointment, And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment. Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner. And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on. There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? Simon answered and said, I suppose that he to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged. And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head. Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet. My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment. Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much; but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little."

--Luke 7:37-47

I relate to this story in two ways. I often feel like I'm the servant who owed little, and then I often feel like the servant who owed much.

I feel like the servant who owed little because I see others all around that are living without the gospel of Jesus Christ. This summer, I worked with a lot of people who were not living their lives according to Christ's gospel. But as I got to know these people, I realized that each soul was beautiful. I knew that our Savior loved them just as much as He loves me. He doesn't approve of sin, but He loves those who sin despite that. We all need to remember this in our daily interactions with people. Christ loves everyone, so we should love everyone. Who are we to despise or reject those whom the Savior would love and welcome?

Then sometimes, I feel like I owe the Savior so much because I am so flawed and broken. I often feel like I have to do everything and be perfect. But I forget that without my Savior, everything good I do is vain. Because I forget this, I am really hard on myself and feel unnecessary guilt when I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, and the Lord knows this, but He loves me anyway. Because I'm imperfect, I need to rely more on the Savior's atonement and grow closer to Him through allowing Him to make up the difference. I don't have to do everything on my own; I do have to come unto Christ. His grace makes up for all I lack. Like this woman, I am a sinner, and I will be until the day I die and His grace makes me immortal and perfect. For now, I will just praise His name, love Him, and try to be who He would like me to be. 

"O My Father"

This song has a powerful message. We have reason to hope for a better world near our Father in Heaven. We have been sent here for a purpose. He wants us to learn and grow here, but we are not from here. We have a divine nature. We are celestial beings. We are not supposed to feel like we belong here because we don't.

This song comforts me because I often feel like I don't belong here. I feel like there is so much more than this life, but it's also frustrating because I can't remember that "so much more." I miss something that I can't remember--being in the physical presence of my God. My soul longs for it. But I know that the Lord sent me here to become as He is, which is what I want most. I need to do my best on Earth, so I can return to Him with honor.

General Conference

I've been reading and watching the General Conference talks of last April. They are so beautiful. Christ speaks through these men and women. I know it. Their words aren't always powerful in and of themselves, but the Spirit takes these simple and true words into my heart. I would just like to share the two talks I read today and my thought on them.

More Than Conquerors Through Him That Loved Us

 This talks about how we grow through our trials. This is something that the church tells us over and over again because it is so true. When I am going through emotional, situational, or spiritual trials, I find that I am the strongest. I learn to lean more on my Heavenly Father, and He heals me. I am not always as righteous as I ought to be, but even in times of doubt and despair, I cling to the gospel because I know it is the only thing that will get me through. Sometimes, I feel discouraged and feel like I will never get to where I want to be. But I refuse to forget that love and peace I felt, and even if I never achieve that happiness again, I will give myself to searching for it. If we remain faithful, the Lord will bless our lives with the joy we are looking for. He will give us strength, comfort, and peace even in our deepest afflictions. I have felt His power in my trials, and I know He is always there.

Waiting on the Road to Damascus

President Uchtdorf is a favorite of mine. There are a couple parts of this talk that I would like to accent. First, he talks about how we should listen to the small promptings of the Spirit. This is something that is so hard. It's difficult to tell if the Lord is telling me to do something or if I'm just making things up. First Nephi 17:13 states, "And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall now that it is by me that ye are led." We may not always know exactly what we are supposed to do, but if we are really trying to listen to the Spirit, it will guide us. I know that in my life the Spirit has guided me. And when I've trusted it, I've gained peace and my testimony was strengthened. The Lord wants to push us just a little bit beyond what we know, so we can learn to trust Him. And yes, a lot of the time it is hard to tell if it is the Lord speaking or just ourselves, but I have to remember that anything good comes from the Lord. And when what I think is in accordance with what the Lord wants me to do, I will feel peace and love. If it is not right, I will feel the Spirit withdraw, and the confusion will remain.

The next part of this talk I would like to talk about is the part about sharing the gospel. This is something I've been trying to do more in my life. I am definitely improving, but I still have a way to go. One thing that affected me most was when he said that the people around us will notice when we are living according to Christ's gospel. I testify that this is true. I have recently been pointed out several times in the last months as a Latter-day Saint by people I didn't even know. Somehow, they could tell. I don't know what I did to leave that impression on them, but I'm glad that I can be an example of what I believe just by being myself. I loved the quote from Saint Francis of Assisi: Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words." If we don't stand as witnesses of Christ in everything we are and do, then we don't really believe in Him.

House of God

My brother and I went to the temple today. Being in the temple is such a comfort. I feel God's love for me there. Going to the temple definitely increases how much I feel the Spirit. Sometimes I just long to be there because I know it is the house of the Lord and the closest place to Heaven. 

Going with my brother was especially great. He is endowed, so he baptized and confirmed me. I feel the Spirit even more when he does this for me than when any other priesthood holder does. I think it's because we are sealed to each other for eternity. We have a special connection that can really be felt in the temple because of that sealing. Families are forever. My family and I can feel a little piece of that as we go to the temple together. 

Realizations

Number one: What things make me happy. I'm an analytical person, so everyday, I evaluate the day and how I feel it went. A lot of the time, I feel empty and, if it makes sense, hungry. I feel a void, and I usually know what's missing. Some days, though, I feel good and full of love. Now, the question is what's the difference between the hungry days and the full days. It's not hard. I know it even before the evaluation. Scripture study. Honest, fervent scripture study is the one thing that can be the difference between an okay day and a great day. Scripture study is a time for me to spend time with my Heavenly Father. What could be more important? It's been a long time coming, but I've finally realized that scripture study is the most important thing I can do everyday. It should be my top priority because everything else, although good when put in its proper place, when unaccompanied by scripture study, leaves me hungry. When I have had a good scripture study session, all the other things become natural: being charitable, being happy, wanting to what's right, etc. So, scripture study is the answer to being closer to being who I want to be. But I find that sometimes I fell like I have two selves. One is not so intelligent. The other is more intelligent. The not so smart self wants to cruise the internet, watch movies, read, hang out with friends, and stuff like that all day. It thinks that will make me happy for some reason. The smarter self knows that studying the scriptures, praying, and going to the temple are the things that really will make me happy. And I guess I just have to decide everyday which self I'm going to listen to. I just have to conquer that less intelligent self and choose to put scripture study first. Then everything else will be much easier.

Number two: How to measure the worth of an individual. This one I'm still working on. But basically, I've realized that I that I value people (mostly myself) according to usefulness. I have taught myself that a person is only valuable if that person can contribute consistently to God's plan. That contribution I always thought meant always serving, working, doing. I thought I always had to be doing everything I could to be of value. Because I am a fairly sedentary individual, I never meet this lofty definition of worth.  I mentally flog myself constantly for never doing enough. Recently, I've started thinking that maybe my system of measuring worth is faulty. I don't know what started me thinking this. I think it was probably something I heard in Sunday school or Relief Society. Something like how God loves us because we are His and not because of what we do or achieve. I think that we as humans try to value ourselves according to what is tangible: our achievements, abilities, work ethics, talents, etc. If we use this to gage ourselves, we will always find that we never measure up--I never have. When I find myself falling short, I feel unwanted, and this makes me feel like I can't do anything. It leaves me trapped because I want to be better, but I feel so inadequate that I feel like I can't be better, and then I don't become better. But! When I think that God loves me just for existing, the pressure is gone, and I feel so much more uplifted. I am of worth, and every other person in this whole existence is too. This leads to a positive outlook that allows me to improve myself. I feel good, and when I feel good, I can do good. I am empowered and can do those things that I used to think defined me. I have the motivation to work hard, cultivate talents, and make and achieve goals. It's not easy to completely change my perspective on this. I often find myself thinking negatively because I didn't accomplish all I thought I should. But it's something I'm trying to work on. I guess this realization leads to a new goal: no mental flogging.

I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I add my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to those already out in the world. I have fasted and prayed and I have tried the doctrines taught in this church. By these things, I have come to know. My life is made full and happy when I am following the principles of this gospel. I know it is true.