"O My Father"

This song has a powerful message. We have reason to hope for a better world near our Father in Heaven. We have been sent here for a purpose. He wants us to learn and grow here, but we are not from here. We have a divine nature. We are celestial beings. We are not supposed to feel like we belong here because we don't.

This song comforts me because I often feel like I don't belong here. I feel like there is so much more than this life, but it's also frustrating because I can't remember that "so much more." I miss something that I can't remember--being in the physical presence of my God. My soul longs for it. But I know that the Lord sent me here to become as He is, which is what I want most. I need to do my best on Earth, so I can return to Him with honor.

General Conference

I've been reading and watching the General Conference talks of last April. They are so beautiful. Christ speaks through these men and women. I know it. Their words aren't always powerful in and of themselves, but the Spirit takes these simple and true words into my heart. I would just like to share the two talks I read today and my thought on them.

More Than Conquerors Through Him That Loved Us

 This talks about how we grow through our trials. This is something that the church tells us over and over again because it is so true. When I am going through emotional, situational, or spiritual trials, I find that I am the strongest. I learn to lean more on my Heavenly Father, and He heals me. I am not always as righteous as I ought to be, but even in times of doubt and despair, I cling to the gospel because I know it is the only thing that will get me through. Sometimes, I feel discouraged and feel like I will never get to where I want to be. But I refuse to forget that love and peace I felt, and even if I never achieve that happiness again, I will give myself to searching for it. If we remain faithful, the Lord will bless our lives with the joy we are looking for. He will give us strength, comfort, and peace even in our deepest afflictions. I have felt His power in my trials, and I know He is always there.

Waiting on the Road to Damascus

President Uchtdorf is a favorite of mine. There are a couple parts of this talk that I would like to accent. First, he talks about how we should listen to the small promptings of the Spirit. This is something that is so hard. It's difficult to tell if the Lord is telling me to do something or if I'm just making things up. First Nephi 17:13 states, "And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall now that it is by me that ye are led." We may not always know exactly what we are supposed to do, but if we are really trying to listen to the Spirit, it will guide us. I know that in my life the Spirit has guided me. And when I've trusted it, I've gained peace and my testimony was strengthened. The Lord wants to push us just a little bit beyond what we know, so we can learn to trust Him. And yes, a lot of the time it is hard to tell if it is the Lord speaking or just ourselves, but I have to remember that anything good comes from the Lord. And when what I think is in accordance with what the Lord wants me to do, I will feel peace and love. If it is not right, I will feel the Spirit withdraw, and the confusion will remain.

The next part of this talk I would like to talk about is the part about sharing the gospel. This is something I've been trying to do more in my life. I am definitely improving, but I still have a way to go. One thing that affected me most was when he said that the people around us will notice when we are living according to Christ's gospel. I testify that this is true. I have recently been pointed out several times in the last months as a Latter-day Saint by people I didn't even know. Somehow, they could tell. I don't know what I did to leave that impression on them, but I'm glad that I can be an example of what I believe just by being myself. I loved the quote from Saint Francis of Assisi: Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words." If we don't stand as witnesses of Christ in everything we are and do, then we don't really believe in Him.

House of God

My brother and I went to the temple today. Being in the temple is such a comfort. I feel God's love for me there. Going to the temple definitely increases how much I feel the Spirit. Sometimes I just long to be there because I know it is the house of the Lord and the closest place to Heaven. 

Going with my brother was especially great. He is endowed, so he baptized and confirmed me. I feel the Spirit even more when he does this for me than when any other priesthood holder does. I think it's because we are sealed to each other for eternity. We have a special connection that can really be felt in the temple because of that sealing. Families are forever. My family and I can feel a little piece of that as we go to the temple together. 

Realizations

Number one: What things make me happy. I'm an analytical person, so everyday, I evaluate the day and how I feel it went. A lot of the time, I feel empty and, if it makes sense, hungry. I feel a void, and I usually know what's missing. Some days, though, I feel good and full of love. Now, the question is what's the difference between the hungry days and the full days. It's not hard. I know it even before the evaluation. Scripture study. Honest, fervent scripture study is the one thing that can be the difference between an okay day and a great day. Scripture study is a time for me to spend time with my Heavenly Father. What could be more important? It's been a long time coming, but I've finally realized that scripture study is the most important thing I can do everyday. It should be my top priority because everything else, although good when put in its proper place, when unaccompanied by scripture study, leaves me hungry. When I have had a good scripture study session, all the other things become natural: being charitable, being happy, wanting to what's right, etc. So, scripture study is the answer to being closer to being who I want to be. But I find that sometimes I fell like I have two selves. One is not so intelligent. The other is more intelligent. The not so smart self wants to cruise the internet, watch movies, read, hang out with friends, and stuff like that all day. It thinks that will make me happy for some reason. The smarter self knows that studying the scriptures, praying, and going to the temple are the things that really will make me happy. And I guess I just have to decide everyday which self I'm going to listen to. I just have to conquer that less intelligent self and choose to put scripture study first. Then everything else will be much easier.

Number two: How to measure the worth of an individual. This one I'm still working on. But basically, I've realized that I that I value people (mostly myself) according to usefulness. I have taught myself that a person is only valuable if that person can contribute consistently to God's plan. That contribution I always thought meant always serving, working, doing. I thought I always had to be doing everything I could to be of value. Because I am a fairly sedentary individual, I never meet this lofty definition of worth.  I mentally flog myself constantly for never doing enough. Recently, I've started thinking that maybe my system of measuring worth is faulty. I don't know what started me thinking this. I think it was probably something I heard in Sunday school or Relief Society. Something like how God loves us because we are His and not because of what we do or achieve. I think that we as humans try to value ourselves according to what is tangible: our achievements, abilities, work ethics, talents, etc. If we use this to gage ourselves, we will always find that we never measure up--I never have. When I find myself falling short, I feel unwanted, and this makes me feel like I can't do anything. It leaves me trapped because I want to be better, but I feel so inadequate that I feel like I can't be better, and then I don't become better. But! When I think that God loves me just for existing, the pressure is gone, and I feel so much more uplifted. I am of worth, and every other person in this whole existence is too. This leads to a positive outlook that allows me to improve myself. I feel good, and when I feel good, I can do good. I am empowered and can do those things that I used to think defined me. I have the motivation to work hard, cultivate talents, and make and achieve goals. It's not easy to completely change my perspective on this. I often find myself thinking negatively because I didn't accomplish all I thought I should. But it's something I'm trying to work on. I guess this realization leads to a new goal: no mental flogging.

I Belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I add my testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to those already out in the world. I have fasted and prayed and I have tried the doctrines taught in this church. By these things, I have come to know. My life is made full and happy when I am following the principles of this gospel. I know it is true.